he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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