i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My ATM looks so different sober.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
