We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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