Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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