you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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