I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
