I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
