Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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