im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
