I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
