Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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