My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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