things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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