i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
