physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
