things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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