You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
