guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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