just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
