went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
