Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize