the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
