Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
