I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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