Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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