I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
