Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize