I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
