How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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