I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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