Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
