His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
