need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
