he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Im part way to drunk.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
