I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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