i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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