i barfeds in our rink
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
