I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i out mim tonsoeep
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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