Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
