we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
