this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
