She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
