Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
