i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
