i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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