she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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