I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
