drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
