3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
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I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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