I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
