i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
