Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Congratulations! We have a period
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
