He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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