your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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