apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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