ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize