I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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