I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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