And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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