i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
