I have demons in me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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