I cockslap morals
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
