4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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