I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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