i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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