Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
