What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
