We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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