I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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