I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
