His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
