you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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