Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what day is it and did you see me today?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
