woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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