hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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