you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
