I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize