Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
