So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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