Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
