Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
